1. Diving in

Head first. Leap and the net will appear.

Living in an RV with my husband and two daughters (8 & 10) is an unexpected challenge. Certainly not a choice we willingly or quickly made. In 2024, we parked the RV on a flat spot next to a house we recently purchased. The newly acquired home is now called "the moldy house", and no one is allowed to enter it without a fully fitted face mask. After my husband's lab results came back his doctor advised the reason he could barely function, was losing his memory, and lost close to 30 lbs of solid muscle was a result of severe mold illness, CIRS, and a serious methylation issue. An obvious next step was to have the moldy house inspected. So we pivoted and made the leap.

It has been a steep drop down. We had to trust that we would not hit bottom, that somewhere a net of grace and health would carry us.

We flew in a company that specializes in medical mold-related illnesses and inspection. Two guys arrived fully suited and took samples of everything; they drilled holes in the ceiling, the attic, the walls, the floor, took samples of the air in the house and compared it to the outside air, they collected dust, and samples from the crawl space. They scanned for moisture. The inspection was thorough and not cheap. After hours of meetings and pouring over the lab results, we accepted their recommendation for "a full pack out". To accept this meant a full heart break. By definition, it means, "leave it all behind" and "leave as soon as possible". To me it sounded like a death sentence and my anxiety went through the roof.

We were directed to only save non-porous items after they were sanitized in the sun and left to air dry. We were advised to keep dust particles from the moldy house from entering the RV or we risk another infestation. We took this seriously considering my husband's health at the time. Frankly, we became paranoid. Soon after, I signed up to get my own testing and labs done.

Oh, how I would love to blow it up the moldy house after it almost killed my husband and arrested my health, but for now it stands still as we charge forward on our ranch, rebuild our health, and make plans to demolish and build a healthy home.

There are many days, if I allow it, the situation feels overwhelming so I actively practice rejoicing, gratitude, and sometimes I search for opportunities to be distracted. Sometimes I have to look hard for distractions. Yesterday, I experienced the distraction I needed... horses!

It was raining for 4 days straight. What does 4 days of rain sound like to you? It was a welcomed blessing for us after a very hot and dry summer. Additionally, our irrigation water was gone a month early this season so the land was parched! I wanted to pound down on my knees and drink the puddles. The dry spell was finally lifted! Rain is a beautiful thing when the land is so thirsty. I went for a walk in the rain and felt my lower back muscles move with every step. I was more connected to my body after yesterday's horse retreat.

I went to a “rewilding” horse retreat for adults. I have zero to minimal experience with horses, but I love the horse’s lore and majesty so I went out of curiosity and the need for a healthy distraction. I rode bareback for the first time ever! I dove in and trusted that what I needed would show itself. The horse, this creature, was absolutely magical. I could feel the horse beneath me breathe, her rib cage expanding and moving as she walked on. Her power was undeniable, but the trainer told me she has “more whoa than go” so I should be fine. Admittedly, I felt more relaxed after the trainer said this and I let go a little more. My legs were so relaxed I could feel the horse's lips shake after she took a deep breath. I felt it in my legs. You know the sound a kid makes when they are pretending to be a horse. Phlgghhh! I felt it vibrate in my legs! I was in awe. “Let yourself go into the horse and let her be your legs.” She said, “Allow yourself to be carried. As adults we never get to be carried anymore. Let the horse carry you. Eyes up, legs relaxed.”

The RV felt so far away.

It was the most surreal experience. Despite being scared and completely inexperienced I did it anyway. I dove in. Somehow, I stayed on. I didn’t slip. I stayed centered. Today, my lower back muscles are fired up, feeling strong and noticeable. I'm reminded that sometimes I don't need to guide myself. Sometimes letting go is enough. If you let go enough, you may find you are actually being led to the next right place for you.

I plan on going back again. I want more of that feeling- the feeling of completely letting go and being led. It's important to trust that your path has purpose and that you are not alone. Maybe I’ll get a horse or a donkey someday- who knows. My husband really wants a donkey, but that’s a story for another time.