RV life

Imagine a dried leaf on the ground… imagine you are the dried leaf, then a giant rubber sole comes down at a sharp angle, and… crunch, you've been stamped, then it lets up. The heavy dread lingers as each second brings time’s perpetual march closer. Crunch! There it is again…the big rubber stamp of time coming down and crunching towards me. It dictates the speed of my life; back by this time, drop off by this time, dinner and bed by this time. As a mom, I am rarely late, yet I always feel late with the constant pressure to be somewhere, do something, or complete something by a certain time. What do you do when this starts becoming a regular experience?

It can feel like panic when the nervous system forgets how to turn off and rest. The longer life is maintained at this pace, in a state of urgency, the easier it is to get stuck in this mode. And there is a cost. When the balance is reconciled the cost is usually your health. At first, the signs may be subtle, but the cost adds up the more fried you get. When I notice myself being driven by this form of pressure, it is time (pun intended) to step back and reconnect to an experience that is timeless, boundless and only requires the here and now. It is time to reset as a wife, mother, and human who walks and cares for our land. The sense of emergency must be put to rest!

A few weeks ago it was still very cold here, especially in the mornings. It became obvious something was wrong with the RV heater when I woke up to a thermostat that said 45 degrees. The heat switch and motor went out. We worked our way through the cold with the RV oven turned all the way up and the little oven door wide open. Blankets with breakfast at the tiny RV table. We waited for the sun to rise enough to warm the walls and generate heat. The morning school routine was the most challenging as the sun peaked over the mountains after everyone was ready to get in the car and go to school.

Alas, Florian fixed it and we have heat again. Thankfully, this didn’t happen in the middle of winter!

Recently, my oldest daughter announced the water pressure is down in the bathroom sink. The breaker was fine so we had to move on with our detective work. We needed to open up a big hole behind the RV. This 6’ deep hole was securely covered and tightly sealed under several bales of hay and a giant pond liner. Heavy logs held the pond liner down in case of high winds. Rocks lined the edges to keep critters out. We built a fortress to protect the water pump and heated RV hose from inclement weather. It was a chore to open it up. We unpacked 8 massive bales of hay and removed a large piece of plywood that was balanced on top of a vertical culvert surrounded by more bales of hay. I looked down and saw the water pump, heated hose and a reminder of how much work we did in order to live somewhat comfortably in this RV full time.

There was no easy way to fix this one. The water pump was leaking and it appears the heated RV hose needs replacing. After all, nothing in RV life is built to last. The week drags on not being able to take showers or do laundry until the new pump and hose arrive, and are installed. It's been a long week.

This life is glamorous by some measure. In my opinion, a healthy outlook is one where you enjoy the sun and bend with the fierce winds of life. You do your best to bounce back, keep growing and gain strength from every storm. Flexibility, perspective, and presence are the golden keys. Life is full of ups and downs and we happen to be in a wild season of our life surrounded by incredible views, boundless nature, and regular challenges as we work to build our life’s dream. Somedays, it feels like our life’s dream is to just survive or get out of the RV.

It looks like a simple life from the outside. There are people who dream of living in an RV. For us, if you fully open our book of life, you quickly see the glamour fading and a real family running around in circles trying to keep things looking normal for the sake of their children’s development. We are not exceptional by this measure because many people have hidden stories- stories of tirelessly working to hold on to some sort of normalcy, some idea of what is needed to feel……… safe in a world that sometimes makes no sense.

A year and a half ago, Florian dug up the water line and sewer line from the moldy house. The RV sits downhill from the moldy house. One line for the sewer so we could flush the famous RV black tank directly into the sewer system and another for the water.

humble beginnings; connecting the sewer line

After a few tries Florian was able to locate the mysterious waterline running from the moldy house. He intercepted it and put in a waterline to the RV so we could have water without constantly filling up the RV water tank. At the time, he also put in a LP gas line and hooked it up to the LP tank so we would have regular hot water to shower and do laundry. This week’s challenges leave me feeling grateful to have consistently running water and heat in the RV.

A year and a half ago, with mold pumping through his veins and fogging his mind, he took shovel to gravel and dug by hand when he was still very sick and trying to rebuild in the aftermath of mold illness. If you are someone who normally functions at extremely high levels, when you are down, most people won’t notice. To this day, many friends and family do not comprehend how sick my husband was. He dug, laid pipe and made it all work so that our family could continue to try and live as close to normal as possible while occupying a very temporary, flimsy structure.

Nothing about an RV is built to last, and we could not have gotten to this place without the hands of many. Thankfully, some folks stepped in when we needed it most. I am so thankful for our good friends, “the hunters” from out of state that helped us install the washer and dryer, move our grill over, and another set of dear friends that helped us set up, stabilize and build a large deck in front so our family of 4 had some extra space. You know who you are if you are reading this. Your generosity of time, muscle, and energy helped lift our family up during a very scary time.

When the water pressure dropped and the breaker wouldn’t flip back on, my heart dropped as I heard Florian let the F word out. That might be the third time this man has used the F word in our marriage in over 11 years. I knew he was pushed past his stress tolerance. All of this came to a head because he just fixed the heat. As we opened up the big hole behind the RV, I looked down at the leaking pump and all the memories of how hard we worked poured in to my mind and reminded me how much effort it took to get us here... to create a safe haven in this RV so we could rebuild our health and keep up with the land. My inner world was stirred!

In the meantime, our back pastures have been slowly taken over by prairie dogs, and they are destroying our grassland. We need to address this imbalance before it becomes irreparable damage and our pastures are kaput. We brought in a professional to walk our land and provide a quote for services. She pointed to a badger hole and asked, “Did you know you have a badger here?”

Apparently, they eat prairie dogs and are very stealthy.

“What happens if we get rid of all the prairie dogs?” I asked.

“No prairie dogs, no badger. The badger will leave to find other food. Nature balances itself.”

This was incredible! We have a badger here!

I felt the rubber sole coming down to crunch me, and I pushed back with gratitude and a recognition that my family is due for its own re-balancing, and this sense of urgency needs to be put to rest. It is time to reset and reconnect to an experience that is timeless, boundless and only requires the here and now. (Hot springs, here we come!).